On Tuesday I finally had the opportunity to have my first talk face-to-face with my grandma since coming out to her. Lets just say it was interesting, and I realize that it's not as easy as I thought it was going to be as far as her understanding my situation. That does not mean that she has rejected me in any way. She hasn't, and she said that she will support me and love me no matter what. But, what I did learn, and this is completely understandable, is that she is pretty ignorant when it comes to homosexuality. I actually stopped by her house for a break in between classes, and unlike the last time I saw her, it was a bit awkward with only the two of us being there alone. Most of the time there we completely avoided the topic, as I just could not force myself to bring it up. I kept on telling myself to just do it, but my mouth would not work. Finally, with about fifteen minutes left before I had to leave back for school, I finally just asked her: So, how did you know a few months ago that I was gay?
I could tell that she was a bit uncomfortable at first with this question, but she answered, and her answer surprised me a little bit, even though it shouldn't have. A few months ago, and I may have blogged about this (I don't remember), but she and I were having a conversation about whether being gay was a choice or not. She was on the fence, but leaning toward it being a choice, and I obviously said that I did not think it was a choice, leading to a healthy debate between the two of us. Long story short, she told me this is how she knew. She said that she was not 100% positive, but she just knew. I thought maybe she had found my blog or something and put the pieces together, and hadn't even thought about this being a possibility, but this answer makes complete sense as well.
Anyway, we continued with our conversation (I regret starting it so late), and this is where I learned that she was pretty ignorant about a lot of the stereotypes associated with being gay. For example, she brought up a guy she and her husband know who is gay, and talked about him always being inappropriate in public by saying that he bottoms, and stuff of that nature. I quickly interjected, and said that that is an individual who should be judged as an individual, not a representative of everyone gay. I told her that is like saying that all blondes are dumb. I'm not sure I got through to her with what I was saying, but I think I may have. Anyway, she said she did not think I would act that way in public. Being the private guy that I am, I told her I would never talk like that in an inappropriate public setting with total strangers, and I told her that such vulgarity is applicable to both gay and straight people.
I also told her that once I do start dating and if and when I do start a relationship, that I would not hesitate showing affection to that person in public. That doesn't mean that we're going to go around talking about our sex life, or make out in front of a bunch of total strangers, but I told her I've walked on eggshells for far too long, and once I'm out fully I'm going to say to hell with those damn eggshells. Her last piece of advice for me before I had to leave was this, and I actually agreed with her completely on this: Don't come out to anybody else until after I graduate. As harsh or selfish as this may sound, I completely understood her reasoning. Earn my degree, get out on my own where I'm financially independent, and then my life is fully my life. I could continue on with this chat, but I've gotta head off for school. Hopefully I'll blog again soon, and as always feel free to comment on any of my posts.