So, I was supposed to have a chat with my grandma this past Tuesday, but my uncle was over there at the time, so we did not get the chance to talk about me coming out to her. That said, the night before I thought I was going to get to talk with her in person, I was so nervous I could not sleep. Strangely enough, once I got to her house the next day I felt extremely comfortable, and when first seeing each other since my proclamation, it was not weird at all. If anything, I felt more myself than I ever have before around her, even if my uncle was there as well.
Anyway, the chat (even if it wasn't what I wanted it to be) turned out to be good, and I really got the sense from her that she is definitely okay with me being gay, and as I mentioned last time, she let me know that she has known for the past few months. She still refuses to tell me how she knew over the Internet, so maybe I'll get the chance to find that out this upcoming week.
Moving on, and I know this may sound over-the-top, but I have felt better over the past week than I have in a very long time. In fact, I haven't felt as good about myself as I do now in as long as I can remember, and it certainly is reflective in my attitude. I've actually been in a good, cheery mood consistently since coming out to my grandma, and it is kind of hard to explain the change in mood, but I definitely feel it, and I believe my family members see it in me too. I can only imagine what it will feel like once I'm fully out to everybody and being 100% myself without any fear whatsoever. I can't wait to start exploring my options as far as dating goes, and I really want to jump start a life that has, to be blunt, sucked for a long time.
Of course, the typical homophobia has been as rampant as ever at my house, with my grandpa and dad really getting on a roll as of late. I was watching Anderson Live the other day where they were talking about the Westboro Baptist Church hating gay people and how they preach about faggots burning in hell, to which my grandpa replied: "Well, that's what the Bible says." I wanted to tell him that the Bible says a lot of things, many things that he doesn't abide by himself, so perhaps he should look in the mirror before casting judgment on us helpless fags, but since I am living under his roof I thought better of it, at least for now. My dad has also been his normal, bigoted, hateful self. It seems like every other word out of his mouth is either "faggot" or "queer", so you can imagine how being around them can bring me down some, even when I am on the high that I have been on since partially coming out.
Anyway, I'm going to go ahead and wrap this post up. I'll blog again sometime this upcoming week, hopefully with news about how my chat with my grandma went. I'm dying to know how she knew that I was gay for some time now, and I'll share that with ya'll as soon as I find out. Take care everybody, and enjoy the rest of the weekend.