So, I was supposed to have a chat with my grandma this past Tuesday, but my uncle was over there at the time, so we did not get the chance to talk about me coming out to her. That said, the night before I thought I was going to get to talk with her in person, I was so nervous I could not sleep. Strangely enough, once I got to her house the next day I felt extremely comfortable, and when first seeing each other since my proclamation, it was not weird at all. If anything, I felt more myself than I ever have before around her, even if my uncle was there as well.
Anyway, the chat (even if it wasn't what I wanted it to be) turned out to be good, and I really got the sense from her that she is definitely okay with me being gay, and as I mentioned last time, she let me know that she has known for the past few months. She still refuses to tell me how she knew over the Internet, so maybe I'll get the chance to find that out this upcoming week.
Moving on, and I know this may sound over-the-top, but I have felt better over the past week than I have in a very long time. In fact, I haven't felt as good about myself as I do now in as long as I can remember, and it certainly is reflective in my attitude. I've actually been in a good, cheery mood consistently since coming out to my grandma, and it is kind of hard to explain the change in mood, but I definitely feel it, and I believe my family members see it in me too. I can only imagine what it will feel like once I'm fully out to everybody and being 100% myself without any fear whatsoever. I can't wait to start exploring my options as far as dating goes, and I really want to jump start a life that has, to be blunt, sucked for a long time.
Of course, the typical homophobia has been as rampant as ever at my house, with my grandpa and dad really getting on a roll as of late. I was watching Anderson Live the other day where they were talking about the Westboro Baptist Church hating gay people and how they preach about faggots burning in hell, to which my grandpa replied: "Well, that's what the Bible says." I wanted to tell him that the Bible says a lot of things, many things that he doesn't abide by himself, so perhaps he should look in the mirror before casting judgment on us helpless fags, but since I am living under his roof I thought better of it, at least for now. My dad has also been his normal, bigoted, hateful self. It seems like every other word out of his mouth is either "faggot" or "queer", so you can imagine how being around them can bring me down some, even when I am on the high that I have been on since partially coming out.
Anyway, I'm going to go ahead and wrap this post up. I'll blog again sometime this upcoming week, hopefully with news about how my chat with my grandma went. I'm dying to know how she knew that I was gay for some time now, and I'll share that with ya'll as soon as I find out. Take care everybody, and enjoy the rest of the weekend.
Keep us updated! Know that many readers are living vicariously through your actions. It's ironic that you were watching Anderson Cooper, who is widely rumored to be in the closet due to his job. Also, Robbie Rogers, an American soccer player recently came out; although, he's unfortunately leaving the game.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/21479520
It's sad you have to deal with hate from unknowing relatives; it is difficult to deal with people who are supposed to be role models for you. But, when you do come out to them, you will get a clearer picture on how far they are willing to go to support their hatred.
If you want some info on the Bible and homosexuality, check this out. It's from the Catholic perspective, which is my religious upbringing, but I think it applies to all Christians.
http://www.dignityusa.org/faq.html
Thanks for the comment, and thanks for the links as well. I had heard about Robbie Rogers coming out on Outsports, and believe it or not Anderson Cooper actually came out of the closet sometime last year.
DeleteAs far as religion is concerned, most of my family belongs to the Church of Christ, which is an extremely conservative branch of Christianity that takes just about every word of the Bible literally, which makes my situation that much more difficult.
I have actually always been intrigued by Catholicism. Catholics seem to be more tolerant and to use more common sense than many other denominations, so that may very well be the route for me to take pertaining to religion.
As of now, I simply call myself a Christian. I believe in God; I believe Jesus died on the cross for my sins; but I also believe that God did not make a mistake in making me gay.
I used to really beat myself up because of all the preaching I heard against homosexuality, but now I'm very comfortable due to the fact that I know with absolute certainty that I was born gay. Thanks again for the comment, and sorry for the mini rant.
I didn't know about Anderson! LOL, I haven't watched cable since high school.
DeleteThe link I gave was actually from an lay group. The official Catholic position is not so tolerant: the only option for homosexuality is celibacy, and they have even tried to stop gays from entering the priesthood. Also, I didn't mean to push the idea of converting to Catholicism; proselytism is discouraged. But, I'd be happy to answer questions.
For myself, I trend toward agnosticism while still going to Mass every Sunday, primarily because I study biochemistry and have thought a lot about philosophy. I think the traditions, music (it doesn't hurt to have great composers as Catholics), and even company of others are as important as the word itself. Actually, knowing biology has sometimes made it hard since the Catholic rule on sex only being acceptable for procreation seems so attractive in terms of biology.
Also, I've come to realize that fundamentalism is found in many, many groups, not just conservatives but liberals (even libertarians), other religions, and atheists. Ultimately, I think the golden rule is what I value above all else and the standard by which I view others, no matter who they are.
-M